Oh the joys of Teaching

-Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk from Costco.
-Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and at the end of nine weeks have even been seen grading in church.
-Real teachers know that sixth graders get hormones from Santa at Christmas.
-Real teachers cheer when they hear that April 1 doesn't fall on a school day.
-Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.
-Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.
-Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.
-Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on blackboards without turning around.
-Real teachers are written up in medical journals for the size and elasticity of their bladders and kidneys.
-Real teachers wear glasses from trying to read the fine print in the teachers' manuals.
-Real teachers have been timed gulping down lunch in 2 minutes 18 seconds.
-Real teachers never teach the conjugations of "lie" and "lay" to eighth graders.
-Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission.
-Real teachers can teach anatomy to high school students and not hear giggles.
-Real teachers know the shortest distance and length of travel time to the front office.
-Real teachers can "sense" gum.
-Real teachers know the difference between what ought to be graded, what should be graded, and what should never see the light of day.
-Real teachers know that the first class disruption they see is probably the second one that occurred.
-Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.
-Real teachers have never heard an original excuse.
-Real teachers know better than to plan discussion or cooperative groups for last period during an observation.
-Real teachers know that secretaries and custodians really run the school.
-Real teachers give themselves away in public because of the marker smudges all over their hands.
-Real teachers know that dogs are "carnivores" and not "homework papervores."
-Real teachers know that happy hour does indeed begin on Friday afternoon.
-Real teachers do not take "no" for an answer unless it is written in a complete sentence.
-Real teachers know the value of a good education and are appalled upon seeing their paychecks.
-Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects, and understand they are absolutely nonexpendable.